1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize