I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
