please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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