I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
