you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
