my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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