There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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