i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
