You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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