I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
