THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
