Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
