I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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