They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
