I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
