left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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