Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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