it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My butt remains clenched, sir.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
