I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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