I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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