I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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