I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
