for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
