I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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