so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
