Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
