3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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