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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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