If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
