just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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