I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And then my night got REAL pukey
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
