I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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