doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
