Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
