oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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