Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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