YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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