So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I yelled at your uterus for you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
