is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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