so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
