i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
