I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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