you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Houston, we have a blender
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
