i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
