Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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