Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
