well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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