wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
