So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
