You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
