If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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