Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
