the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
