I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
