Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
