Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize