Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
