Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They have beer where we have blood.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
