hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
