he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
