I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
