idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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