Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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