remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
