I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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