what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
