i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
