He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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