Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
