Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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